The pain of the last kiss…
There is no right or wrong way to grief. There are no emotions that must be felt or not felt. There are no number of months or years that should last. The time that each person needs to elaborate duel is unique and respectable. However, when you have been pierced by the pain of your loved one’s death, we sometimes avoid talking about the person, we need to numb our emotions. When the emotions do not flow or when we feel overwhelmed by them, they get stock, and we run out of resources to function in the day to day of our life. And it is that people does not feel what they want to feel, but what they can feel. This is why, although time passes, we do not feel better. That is possible, when we need the help of a specialist who can help us find the way to retain “the memory” while we allow the painful and traumatic events to transform. And so our emotions will flow again and, with it, life.
Emotions stop flowing because all situations experienced and sustained in time: from the moment of diagnosis, treatment, death itself. The unexpected death, the burial and what comes from his/her absence, can become extremely stressful, confusing, painful. All this leaves scars not only in our heart, but also in our nervous system. Fear and sadness "take hold" in our system making the person feel even more confused, anxious, depressed, irascible, helpless and other symptoms that can cause confusion, bewilderment and make the person disconnect from himself. It can even get to have intrusive images of the different moments lived.
There are also people who may feel guilty for being well. They believe that if they are well, they will forget the loved one, and do not seek help to heal their pain and return to balance. Furthermore, this situation can if you feel pressure from friends and family who, in their eagerness to help, tell them that they need to “move on that they have already spent too much time feeling bad”. There's nothing worse than pretending to be fine when you're not there. This leads to the person feeling more lonely and misunderstood.
I want you to know that I do a specialized therapy to heal the "scars" that the death of the loved one leaves in your heart and brain. It does not matter if you mourn the death of a spouse, of a son/daughter, of a child that was never born, of a father or a mother, of a brother, a friend, or even of a pet, many people benefit from this type of therapy. Although it takes a lot of courage to take the risk of going to therapy and feel the sadness or fear that we have been avoiding, the suffering can be transformed. You can continue living despite the absence, the memory remains and the connection with that departed, is from the tranquility and serenity. As Sigmund Freud says” Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
I am a trauma psychologist. I have had the fortune to specialize in the latest and psychological tools to work with trauma and grief in a deep, efficient and fast way for 25 years. I have worked in Colombia, New York, Australia, Spain and London, doing intensive accompaniment therapies for the elaboration of the process of mourning and trauma, for me it is an honor to accompany the people in this process.
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