"Once you start approaching your body
with curiosity rather than with fear, everything shifts".
Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D
In many communities, having a mental disorder, having been a victim of sexual abuse, or "coming out" as LGBT can be circumstances that cause a person to be quickly expelled from that community.
The threat of this expulsion not only makes the person hide a situation out of shame, but the family and society want to hide it too.
We are all social beings and for our survival, for our psychological well-being and emotional development we need to feel that we belong, that we are accepted and loved by our community and/or family.
Therefore, when there is danger of being rejected, tortured, murdered, beleaguered, condemned, branded as a sinner, marginalized, cursed, etc., for the sole reason, of a gender preference or sexual orientation it is natural and intelligent to want to protect oneself.
It is also a natural and wise reaction when faced with psychological, emotional or physical danger to want to hide, to avoid feeling shame, pain or any other consequence derived from that exclusion.
Consequently, those who experience the prejudice of homophobia live in a constant state of stress and uncertainty.
Feeling that they have no control over situations, feeling insecure, not heard, not seen or supported, not only by their family, but by the system, by society, can lead the person to feel depressed, to experience anxiety and shame and to have a traumatic response.
There are LGTB people who, for LACK OF SUPPORT, have committed suicide.
Some of my patients are parents who, when they find out they have child who is part of the LGBT collective, ask me “what they could have done wrong to cause this behavior in their child” and they express shame about not being able to fix the situation or what they feel.
But as Bert Hellinger says "homosexuals and trans people, are homosexual or trans not because they want to be, but because it is their destiny and they have the right to follow their destiny like everyone else. They are members of their family, and as such, they must be recognized and valued. Otherwise, love is hurt.
In my consultation I observe that when parents, couples, siblings, children begin to come out of the closet and share with others the process, if they find support, empathy and acceptance, it is easier for them to BEGING TO NORMALIZE not only their emotions, but the situation, and thus can give more support to their family.
On the contrary, when that support does not arrive, the situation becomes more complicated, giving rise to different scenarios that can range from drug abuse, family breakdown, etc.
I work with both: the relatives to help them to understand and accept their family member and with people in the LGBT community to support them in their process, understand their fears and conflicts, and help them develop resources to help them live authentic lives.
In this process they understand that there is nothing morally wrong or ethically suspicious about them or their behavior.
I invite you to visit my articles section, where you will find more information related to this topic.
Book a session Thank you for letting me be part of the solution.
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